The autistic programmer

It seems to me that developers can be far more stubborn than any other phyllum of worker I have known.

Not only do they get set in their ways, they get wedged in their ways, so tightly and so inextricably, that any attempt to dislodge them will end in disaster. Example: just try to get a developer who writes his functions in camelcase to use all lower case.Instead of writing function

myFunction()

you require that he writes:

function my_function() 

Try and tell a programmer to make that kind of a life-altering change, and then sit back, because, if you've never seen the Exorcist, you're about to see it now. You're about to see heads spinning 360 degrees and pea soup flying in every direction.

As a consequence of these - ahem - nuances, developers get an awful rap. They are resistant to change. They're surly. They're arrogant. They have massive egos.

But it's not really true. Few developers have big egos. For the most part, they have fragile egos, if they have egos at all.

The typical developer doesn't think massively of himself. He can barely make eye contact. And therein lies the root of the problem.

Developers are not arrogant and egotistic. Developers, for the most part, aren't even geeky nerds with low social skills. Developers are, for the most part, autistic.

The world of programming is a honeypot, attracting Aspbergers' like they were flies.

Keep that in mind the next time you are about to launch into a tirade with some junior developer who flouts convention when he puts braces on their own line.

When the cat is away...

The ballad of a man whose wife and kids are out of town for the weekend. As told through twitter.

Wife and kids are out of town for the next two days. I miss them already. In my underwear. Eating cheetos. Watching Netflix. #TheHorror

The hardest thing about having to stay home when your wife and kids take a short vacation is making sure they don't know how excited you are by prospect.

For the next 2 days, it will be like I'm in an alternate universe where I never got married. But my house is strangely filled with toys.

It's like Home Alone. Except no one left me behind. And it's not Christmas. And I'm not a kid. You know what, it's nothing like Home Alone.

The last time I was left at home alone, I watched all three Lord of the Rings, and blew $250 at online poker. Pretty sure I can top that.

She phones me only an hour after leaving. "Do you miss us yet?" she asks. "I sure do!" I agree. "Say, do you know if we own a blowtorch?"

Strangely paralyzed with indecision. What do I do first? A movie? Video games? Eat Cheetos in my underwear? Get drunk and yell at the walls?

Here I am alone in the house for the first time in years, and stupid Netflix keeps recommending kids movies. Damn you, children!

The only problem with being home without the wife and kids is that, at bedtime, you kind of want to check for monsters under the bed.

The wife and kids are out of town. On my first night alone, I did nothing. Turns out they're not holding me back. I'm just lazy.

For my first dinner without the rest of my family, I wanted go to somewhere they wouldn't normally want to go to. But I'm lazy. I went to the Food Court.

Last night, I could have gone to the Cineplex to watch a blockbuster. Instead, I watched Netflix. A movie from last year. That I've seen before.

Now that my wife and kids are out of town, the only rebel thing I can think to do is cook up some organ meat. #F***ThePolice

Psychological breakthrough. Now that the wife and kids are out of town, I have discovered my inner child. He likes Cheetos and Netflix.